Fetishes, what fetishes?!!

Recently, a friend of mine was commenting on fetishes (well in fact several of them were, it was kind of a theme!) but she mentioned that certain materials, used to create very specific clothing, would be 'normal' fetishes for many people. Objects, for example, featured very low on her list of things that could compromise a 'fetish' most (vanilla) people would have.

I suppose we can all have different opinions on that - on anything, thats one of the things that makes having friends fun, lots of little arguments! The thing is though, this one got me thinking. I am someone who has an interest in BDSM, who wishes for a BDSM lifstyle-relationship, who needs to explore his own submissiveness. The idea of having a fetish has never really occurred to me, and yet to many lifestylers, it seems to be part and parcel of the whole experiance.

Is there something wrong with me?!!

Clothing is very nice and all, but I still say that a woman looks better naked than any other way. Of course I would be distracted by a woman wearing nylon stockings, or a kinky pair of boots, or a corset, etc, but equally, I do not find such items necessarily 'sexy'. What I like about them is the way that they can make a woman feel when she is wearing them. It is a womans attitude, and not her shoes, that makes her sexy. And as it is her attitude which determines the dynamic between herself and me, it is that which I find most appealing.

As for me, there are a few things that I can wear which can make me feel sexy. Nothing makes me feel like having sex just because I am wearing it, however. So I think I can determine that I do not have a clothing fetish, although I will admit that I do like certain kinds of fetish clothes, much as I like certain kinds of 'vanilla' clothes.

I must own up to something. I have found that an image, vogue, impression (call it what you will) of a woman smoking a cigar can stir something in me. I was troubled by this for a long while because I am not a smoker, nor do I find smoking particularly appealing. As someone who keeps fit and looks after his health, smoking is to me a distinctly negative trait in a potential partner. Plus, its smelly! So what exactly is it that causes this stir within me when I see a woman smoking a cigar?

Firstly, it is rare. I have seldom seen it, so it is not something I am often confronted with, but it does intrigue me. It doesn't happen with cigarette smokers, regardless of their appearance, so I doubt it could be described as a 'smoking fetish'. Secondly, the distinctive phallic-shape of a cigar might cause some people to assume that I am a closet case bi-sexual and that all I am experiancing when I encounter such an image is my inner desire manifesting itself. I am quite sure that that is not the case. I am confident of my sexuality, and always have been.

The third option seems the most appropriate. In every instance of a cigar-smoking woman that I can recall, the woman was in a position of power. She was either a person with a high-flying job, or she was someone who could manipulate everyone around her with an unearthly confidence. She was always someone that other people looked up to and admired, someone that even the powerful men around her respected. It would seem that the image of a woman with a cigar reflects back to me something deeply ingrained within my sense of power-persuasion.

So, is my desire for a D/s relationship a kind of attitude fetish or a deeply important part of my sexuality? Can it be both?

I am very keen to learn the answer to this. When I find something inside of me, I strive to understand it. To use it to further my sense of self. To grow as an individual. I do not entertain the idea that bottling things up inside yourself will in any way solve a problem. That is part of the purpose for this blog.