Death

Berevement is never easy. We all experience it differently, every time. Here I honour a friend, a great man who always had my respect and admiration. And for his dear family, I pray.

Definitively Arbitrary

Bright Lights - Matchbox 20

She got out of town.
The railway New York bound.
Took all except my name.
Another alien on Broadway.

Something’s in this world, you can’t change.
Something’s you cant see until it’s too late.

Baby, baby, baby,
When all your love is gone,
Who will save me
From all I’m up against out in this world?
Maybe, maybe, maybe,
You’ll find something that’s enough to keep you,
But if the bright lights don’t receive you,
You should turn yourself around
And come on home.

I got a hole in me now.
Yeah I got a scar I can talk about.
She keeps a picture of me
In her apartment in the city.
Something’s in this world, man they don’t make sense.
Something’s you don’t need until they leave you.
They’re the things that you’ll miss

Baby, baby, baby,
When all your love is gone,
Who will save me
From all I’m up against out in this world?
Maybe, maybe, maybe
You’ll find something that’s enough to keep you,
But if the bright lights don’t receive you,
You should turn yourself around
And come on home.

Let that city take you in (come on home).
Let that city take spit you out (come on home).
Let that city take you down (come on home).
For God’s sake turn around.

Baby, baby, baby,
When all your love is gone,
Who will save me
From all I’m up against out in this world?
Maybe, maybe, maybe,
You’ll find something that’s enough to keep you,
But if the bright lights don’t receive you,
Well, just turn yourself around
And come on home.

Yeah come on home.
Yeah come on home.
Come on home.
Yeah come on home.
Baby, Baby, Baby,
Come on home.
Yeah come on home.
Baby baby Baby Baby,
Yeah come on home.

Fetishes, what fetishes?!!

Recently, a friend of mine was commenting on fetishes (well in fact several of them were, it was kind of a theme!) but she mentioned that certain materials, used to create very specific clothing, would be 'normal' fetishes for many people. Objects, for example, featured very low on her list of things that could compromise a 'fetish' most (vanilla) people would have.

I suppose we can all have different opinions on that - on anything, thats one of the things that makes having friends fun, lots of little arguments! The thing is though, this one got me thinking. I am someone who has an interest in BDSM, who wishes for a BDSM lifstyle-relationship, who needs to explore his own submissiveness. The idea of having a fetish has never really occurred to me, and yet to many lifestylers, it seems to be part and parcel of the whole experiance.

Is there something wrong with me?!!

Clothing is very nice and all, but I still say that a woman looks better naked than any other way. Of course I would be distracted by a woman wearing nylon stockings, or a kinky pair of boots, or a corset, etc, but equally, I do not find such items necessarily 'sexy'. What I like about them is the way that they can make a woman feel when she is wearing them. It is a womans attitude, and not her shoes, that makes her sexy. And as it is her attitude which determines the dynamic between herself and me, it is that which I find most appealing.

As for me, there are a few things that I can wear which can make me feel sexy. Nothing makes me feel like having sex just because I am wearing it, however. So I think I can determine that I do not have a clothing fetish, although I will admit that I do like certain kinds of fetish clothes, much as I like certain kinds of 'vanilla' clothes.

I must own up to something. I have found that an image, vogue, impression (call it what you will) of a woman smoking a cigar can stir something in me. I was troubled by this for a long while because I am not a smoker, nor do I find smoking particularly appealing. As someone who keeps fit and looks after his health, smoking is to me a distinctly negative trait in a potential partner. Plus, its smelly! So what exactly is it that causes this stir within me when I see a woman smoking a cigar?

Firstly, it is rare. I have seldom seen it, so it is not something I am often confronted with, but it does intrigue me. It doesn't happen with cigarette smokers, regardless of their appearance, so I doubt it could be described as a 'smoking fetish'. Secondly, the distinctive phallic-shape of a cigar might cause some people to assume that I am a closet case bi-sexual and that all I am experiancing when I encounter such an image is my inner desire manifesting itself. I am quite sure that that is not the case. I am confident of my sexuality, and always have been.

The third option seems the most appropriate. In every instance of a cigar-smoking woman that I can recall, the woman was in a position of power. She was either a person with a high-flying job, or she was someone who could manipulate everyone around her with an unearthly confidence. She was always someone that other people looked up to and admired, someone that even the powerful men around her respected. It would seem that the image of a woman with a cigar reflects back to me something deeply ingrained within my sense of power-persuasion.

So, is my desire for a D/s relationship a kind of attitude fetish or a deeply important part of my sexuality? Can it be both?

I am very keen to learn the answer to this. When I find something inside of me, I strive to understand it. To use it to further my sense of self. To grow as an individual. I do not entertain the idea that bottling things up inside yourself will in any way solve a problem. That is part of the purpose for this blog.

This one thing ...

Somewhere between like and love lies the friendship between a man and a woman. It can be straightforward, or not so straightforward. There is often attraction, even if it is platonic. Importantly, even for those who prefer the same sex, it is always different than friendships between those of the same sex. There is a balance that can be achieved between men and women in friendship that cannot be achieved elsewhere. Temperments and attatudes and perspectives are different. It is good, it can be unpredictable and it is wonderful.

But what if there happens to be more? What then? Can a friendship, that is more than a friendship, (to one or to both friends) survive?

In hope ...

A thought on chivalry

A man, whether submissive or dominant, should always be chivalric. Whatever a man's power persuasion, his heart must be true and his respect for women paramount.


Champions are not the people who never fail, but the people who never quit ...

Only in my Dreams

Barkeep pour me one last shot
Cos I must be on my way
Better make that same old stop
That the soul makes every day
Tell me why am I holding on
Having white love like a flame
Burn’s you when it’s hot
Even fire trucks can’t abate
I can’t bend the hands of time
So I think myself to sleep
Where you never say goodbye
If only in my dreams

Tell me where you want to go
Tell me what you long to be
How you’re longing for my touch
If only in my dreams
Sing the love songs you want sung
Touch the stars you want to reach
And I will see the job gets done
If only in my dreams

Would I sacrifice my eyes
Nothing else I’d rather see
You can have my heart
It’s of little use to me
If you want my soul
Ill throw it in for free
It’s all I’m worth that’s left
Since my angel got her wings

Now I’m down and on my knees
It’s of little use to pray
Unless you give her back
There’s no deals cut these days
You’re only in my dreams

Tell me where you want to go
Tell me what you long to be
How you’re longing for my touch
If only in my dreams
Sing the love songs you want sung
Touch the stars you want to reach
And I’ll see the job gets done
If only in my dreams

Now I praise the daytime
When I’m alone at night time
Cos I saw the sunshine
Just for you
And I know that where you are
There aint no pain there aint no tears
And if I have my way
The moment I give in

Take me where you want to go
You’ll be who you want to be
All I needed was your touch
All I want is you and me
Sing the love songs you want sung
And you’ll be in my dreams
Until the world is won
It’s only in my dreams

The many kinds of Love

The Inuit have more than a hunderd words for snow. That is the misconception at any rate. Firstly there are many 'Eskimo' or ' Eskimo-Aleut' languages, not one. Secondly, they have an equal number of snow related concepts as people of other northern hemisphere languages do. Because Eskimo languages are polysynthetic, they describe concepts in compound terms or 'words' of unlimited length. So it may seem like they have more ideas about snow, but it is misleading. The reason anybody points out that Eskimos have many words for snow is to highlight differences between their view of the world and those of other cultures. It is also used to point out our limitations when it comes to language.

Take this one for example. English, or rather the Common Tongue of the western world (that may in fact be misleading in itself as many Spanish speakers will attest), is a rather limited language to express oneself in. There really arent that many satisfactory swear words, or curses. There are few examples of how to discribe hunger and there is only one word for love.

Do we love everybody we know in the same way? Hardly. So how do you go about expressing it? Language is perhaps not the best method of expressing such a feeling anyway, but our society would frown upon those who would greet their friends with a rough embrace every time they met!

When your only method of remaining in touch with certain people is through phone calls, text messages and the internet, language becomes the only tool with which you can work. And it can lead to misunderstandings. It can be easy to read too much into particular words and phrazes, or too little.

So, tread carefully, for you only have one heart to break ...